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<frame>We present to you the following publication from the series «Portraits of Sisterhood». In it, we want to talk about the friendship between Ukrainian and Polish women, the support from ordinary people, and not only that - but also about the misunderstandings that ultimately led to new knowledge between the two nations about each other. Share your stories with us - stories of encounters with Polish or Ukrainian women that changed your life, impressed you, taught you something, surprised you, or made you think. Write to us at: redakcja@sestry.eu<frame>
I rehabilitated the children, and they did so for me
My path from the beauty industry and world runway podiums to charity and care over an orphanage was laid by losing my closest person. And it happened unexpectedly.
In the past, I was a sportswoman, I did rhythmic gymnastics. I earned the title of Master of Sports. I got into the «Khreshchatyk» Fashion house in Kyiv by accident: I came by it on the way to my Institute. Back then, it was the best fashion house for knitwear in the Soviet Union, it used to conquer the world runways. I saw an ad about an audition and decided to come along with my friends for company.
This is how my modeling story began.
I have been to many countries, including the USA, Brazil, Mexico, South Korea, Great Britain and almost all of Europe.
In 2002, when I had already been a recognisable person in the capital, my friend Ksenia Kuzmenko and I opened our own agency. Apart from modelling business, we also engaged in organising and producing the Miss Ukraine national contest. After we successfully managed to hold this contest at the «Ukraina» Palace in 2004 with a TV live stream, I was curious about how it was - being a contestant. I wanted to understand the girls better and support them.
Then I entered the Miss Global USA contest myself, and… was awarded the crown of Mrs Globe Europe.
I like art, and apart from modelling, I was passionate about cinema. One of the most memorable roles I have played was the daughter of a Polish duke in a movie about Bohdan Khmelnytsky. Before the full-scale invasion, I acted in a successful Ukrainian project called «Kyiv Day and Night». Life was very fulfilling.
But one day my mother suddenly passed away - and something shattered inside of me. We were very close. I did not want anything, I needed new meanings to keep on living.
When I was offered to lead the charity foundation responsible for the «Home of Happy Children» child rehabilitation centre, I was unsure I could do it. This is the place where they help abandoned children - some were simply found on the street, some were disowned by their parents, and others were taken from families in crisis. While the adults are taking care of legal questions and searching for new families for the children, these kids have the opportunity to live in comfort and undergo psychological rehabilitation. The team and I had to ensure all of this.
At first, I only visited but with each new visit I would get sucked in deeper and deeper: the kids wait for my visits, trust and attachments are formed. That saved me both then and now - during the war. Because everyone finds their inspiration and meaning in life in difficult times. I rehabilitated the children - and they did so for me.
The Power Woman
On the first days of the great war, artillery and air defence troops were placed next to our orphanage. We swiftly decided to evacuate the children, the staff, taking responsibility, transported them to safer settlements in Ukraine - wherever they could.
Offers came in to relocate the orphanage abroad but we were hoping that everything would pass quickly. At that time, everyone believed that this war would not last long. One such offer came from Olga Bohomolets [Ukrainian political and civil activist, Honored Doctor of Ukraine, - Edit.]: a family from Germany was able to help, provide accommodation and everything required.
That is how Elwira appeared in my life. We created the children’s evacuation plan working online with her in particular. At the time, I had no idea who Elwira Niewiera actually was, I had not seen her movies and did not imagine that I would be absolutely fascinated by this woman, having mutual sympathy and close friendship with her. A woman with boundless energy and desire to help. To me, she is now that very Power Woman.
At that time, Elwira had already been engaged in supporting our soldiers, it was she who managed to find a wealthy family from Bavaria that allocated and continues to allocate substantial funds to support the Ukrainian army, as she could not tolerate the inaction of the German government. A woman named Ulrike had a vacant villa next to a lake in the forest, and after careful consideration, Niewiera proposed to evacuate and relocate the Ukrainian orphanage there.
Leaving was complicated. Firstly, the war had already been going on for several months, and if previously there had been chaos and people, children and orphanages would cross the border without any documents, we, on the contrary, had to go through all the bureaucratic corridors and receive official permissions from four separate ministries and the military administration. And secondly, we had to literally «gather» 20 children from all over Ukraine: from Kyiv, Ternopil, Volyn’ and Lviv regions - everywhere they had ended up.
Elwira and von Walz's family organised the transport and relocation. On the Polish border, we transferred to another bus that brought us to our new home. It was scary for both children and adults - we were voyaging into the unknown.
Care with a capital «C»
In Germany, we became the only ones who, as an entire orphanage, including caregivers, found refuge thanks to a private initiative. I never would have thought that Germans are so capable of caring. You barely have time to think about it - and they are already doing it for you.
In the small Bavarian town, our bus was greeted by the locals, the mayor and even an orchestra. They closed off the entire highway for this. Everything was prepared in the house - even food and sleeping places for my dog and cat I brought with me.
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A year passed before we managed to organise a new way of life and accept the new reality that we live here, that today this is our home. And that we also live under one roof - 20 children and 10 caregivers - like a new family. Only in a year, when the initial stress had somewhat subsided, did we start noticing what a wonderful place we found ourselves in. The locals were helping as much as they could, they even organised sports lessons and activities for children. This is Care with a capital «C».
When Elwira visited us for the first time to get to know us with hugs and treats for the children, we arranged a party. She recorded everything on camera and promised to one day make a movie out of it. She found kind words and the right approach to every kid.
Later, in Amsterdam, where she had invited me to her movie’s premiere [«The Hamlet Syndrome» (2022), - Edit.], I discovered a different Elwira for myself: a talented director, a caring individual, who is not afraid of examining and finding solutions for very serious societal problems.
I remember how the theatre happened to us.
Niewiera’s friend came to visit the children - a director Rosa Sarkisian, who acted in «The Hamlet Syndrome». We had an idea of partaking in theatrotherapy: to express one's emotions and experiences and to talk about what hurts, through the persona of a certain character. This became a huge step forward in the children’s therapy. They carry severe psychological trauma with them but after talking about it even once - it gets easier for them. One week with Rosa turned out to be more effective than therapy with psychologists on the base of another centre.
We made a genuine theatre from these deep life stories. Imagine, Elwira organised a tour in Berlin! Our children performed on stage, there were stories about them in newspapers. It changed them completely, they became more trusting and confident, and the fear of opening up disappeared completely.
But most importantly - they were happy.
Act like a woman
I feel like Elwira thinks about Ukraine 24/7. And not just thinks, but acts. Every day. Recently, I came to her in Berlin for a weekend [Elwira Niewiera, a volunteer, Polish-German movie director and writer, is currently residing in Berlin, - Edit.] and she worked non-stop: she receives inquiries from the frontline, sends generators, night vision devices and drones over there. She especially helps women who ended up in difficult situations. It is just human, womanly. At this very moment, while I am telling you about her, she is busy finding a place to live in Kyiv for a woman who survived Russian captivity.
I don't know where she draws the strength to respond calmly in any situation, but I've never seen her lose her temper or get nervous. Inner calmness - is a great feat. At first, I was convinced she did yoga in order to achieve this - and started doing it as well because in working with children it is crucial to always keep calm, have your spirit up and be positive. Until one time Elwira asked me herself: «You know, it is so nice to spend time with you, you are so calm and peaceful. How do you manage to stay that way?»
I believe in women’s power. Sometimes it feels like men are not capable of agreeing and walking side by side, while women are. We have common sense and inner balance. We know how to stay composed and be flexible in critical moments.
Maybe I am only judging by Elwira or myself since I am confident to say that I am a strong woman. But she is absolute strength. She manages to not only reach her goals but to lead and support other people in the most difficult time
The hardest - letting the children go
Over the last 2,5 years I have been a cook, dishwasher, housekeeper, psychologist, doctor, driver, courier. I realised that when you acquire certain knowledge or skills, you need to use and develop them further, not lose them, because you never know how fate might unfold.
For example, I studied German at school but I never thought I would need this language. The women in my family were good cooks - but I never developed this ability in myself, until I had to cook for 30 people. I also became a driver since we live in the middle of a forest, and the children had to be taken to and from school and classes. Additionally, I have a diploma in medical rehabilitation. In Germany, it is a speciality in demand, and if I suddenly decided to stay, I could successfully work here.
Now, our children are coming home. Some get adopted, others return to their families because the court cases have ended or the parents have managed to resolve their issues. We have only three boys left as of today. I promised them they would graduate school here - especially the eldest boy because he is studying in a German class. In two years he managed to learn German from scratch, pass the exams on par with his German classmates, and he invited me to his graduation. The last time I was at a graduation was when my son finished school.
It is very difficult to let children go. Psychologists advise that one should immediately separate and communicate less. But in two years we have become a family, and I truly care about how the children’s lives unfold in their new families. I often consult with Elwira about the children, and we contemplate the best course of action together. She has seen all the processes from the inside and is my trusted person.
Meanwhile, our orphanage in Kyiv continues its work. We made sure to keep it clean and cosy and set up a shelter, but we still have not been able to find a psychologist. We are planning to invite Rosa with her unique theatre therapy method. Unfortunately, now more than ever, there is a huge number of children in need of help and care, and the country desperately needs such facilities.
On July 23rd «Home of Happy Children» opened its doors for new inhabitants.
And who do you think was the first visitor? - ELWIRA!
The text was prepared by Irena Tymotiyevych.
Photos from a private archive
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