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«Три роки без сну, два — без жодної звістки». Як триматися, коли чекаєш рідну людину з полону?

«Всі втомилися. Навіть мої старші діти й подруги вже не можуть говорити про це зі мною. Тож і я мовчу. Але це важко, бо біль нікуди не зникає», — говорить жінка, син якої вже кілька років у полоні. Спеціалісти GIDNA безкоштовно допомагають їй і багатьом іншим жінкам, чиї сини або чоловіки зникли безвісти чи опинились у неволі, впоратися з невизначеною втратою

Yaryna Matviiv

Відкриття інсталяції, присвяченої полоненим з «Азовсталі», Київ. 2023. Фото: Ukrinform/East News

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Війна розвинула в нас навички, які ми б ніколи не хотіли мати. Наприклад, блокувати емоції та жити з горем. Цей шлях щодня проходять тисячі жінок, які чекають своїх близьких з полону. Невизначена втрата — турбулентне відчуття, коли живеш з безкінечним потоком відчаю й питань: що зараз відбувається з рідною людиною, де вона взагалі, як переживе ніч, поки ти засинаєш у своєму ліжку, чи побачитеся ви знову, та як допомогти їй і… собі?

Про невідомість складно говорити

Жінка, яка переживає невизначену втрату, прокидається дуже рано, до дзвінка будильника, й відразу перевіряє соціальні мережі й групи зниклих безвісти. З моменту, коли вона почула страшні слова: «Ваш син зник безвісти», «Ваш чоловік потрапив у полон», — вона шукає будь-яку інформацію, готова зробити будь-що, аби дізнатися бодай щось про рідну людину.

«Невизначена втрата не має меж, — розповідає Анна Грубая, кураторка проєкту GIDNA, що надає психологічну допомогу жінкам, які переживають втрату. — Це невідомість, і тому складно про це говорити. Інколи зрозуміліше говорити про фактичну втрату. Боляче, але зрозуміліше. Саме невизначеність є тією травмою, яка руйнує людину зсередини щодня — роками.

Жінка відчуває втому, яка накриває дедалі сильніше. Вона злиться, що її надія гасне, злиться на весь світ. Вона відмовляє собі в усьому, забороняє собі радіти звичним речам, блокує всі емоції і живе лише краплею надії, що рідна людина повернеться».

Три місяці тому до програми проєкту GIDNA (напрям «Невизначена втрата») долучилася Ірина Козарєва, яка вже три роки чекає на сина з російської неволі. Для жінки це три роки без сну, і два — без жодної звістки від Ярослава, оборонця Маріуполя, який потрапив у полон у травні 2022 року. Саме тоді вони спілкувалися востаннє. 

Ірина Козарєва в Києві

«Синку, у тебе є план Б?»

Ірина — мати шести прийомних синів. І кожен — як окремий всесвіт, зі своїм характером і палким бажанням боротися за своє. Ірина з усмішкою згадує, як всі шестеро прагнули піти з нею на Майдан під час Революції гідності: 

— Вони шарфами обмотали обличчя, одягли каски, наколінники, налокітники, взяли біти й кажуть: «Підемо з тобою. Якщо ми не йдемо — то й ти не йдеш».

А потім почалася війна. Ярослав, оборонець Маріуполя, тоді був футбольним фанатом, вболівав за ФК «Динамо». Мати згадує, що вони разом з товаришами завжди мали активну громадянську позицію, брали участь в акціях, разом доєдналися до «Азову».

Ярослав до останнього не хотів зізнаватися матері, що став на захист країни. Але поділився таємницею зі старшим братом, а той не витримав і розповів усе мамі. Плакати вже не було сенсу, згадує Ірина: «Я просто запитала його: “Чим я можу тобі там допомогти?”».

Коли почалося повномасштабне вторгнення, Ярослав був першим, хто зателефонував. — Вже ввечері я писала йому: «Синку, ви будете в повному оточенні, у вас є план Б?». А він казав: «У нас є всі плани, ми озброєні й знаємо, що робимо». Далі — лише листування. 

В якийсь момент Ярослав зник, перестав відповідати. Ірина почала рахувати дні…

Новини про сина до Ірини прийшли раптово — від його дівчини, з якою жінка ще не була знайома. На той момент це було вже 20 днів страшної тиші. Як з’ясувалося, Ярослав був поранений. Під час боїв за Маріуполь отримав складну контузію, втратив слух, зір і координацію рухів. Пізніше на шпиталь, в якому лікувався Ярослав, російська армія скинула бомбу. Хлопця доправили на «Азовсталь». На 21-й день він написав матері, що живий і просто не було зв’язку.

— Я кажу: «Знаю, як у тебе все добре, мені вже розповіли». Він так і не оклигав, на кожен приліт у нього була блювота. Щоб воювати, треба ж бігати, лазити, ховатися, повзти. Він усього цього вже не міг.

— Я писала синові, що їх тут називають спартанцями. А він голосове мені записав уночі: «Якщо мені не зраджує память, всі вони загинули. А я не хотів би тут сконати, в мене ще навіть сина немає»

Все в нього з гумором, все легко. Він намагався мене не травмувати й максимально все приховував, — розповідає Ірина.

Востаннє Ірина говорила з сином 18 травня 2022 року, коли той вимушено здався у полон. Перед виходом захисники отримали наказ знищити телефони й зброю, тож зв’язок із сином зник. 

Ірина згадує, як уважно стежила за новинами, як просила сина під час тієї останньої розмови говорити все, що накаже ворог, аби лише його не катували, як розглядала в групах кожну фотографію й кожне відео, шукаючи Ярослава.

Ірина із сином до повномасштабної війни

«Я вила, кричала й торгувалася з Богом»

Разом з іншими полоненими з «Азовсталі» Ярослава доправили в Оленівську колонію. Зв’язок був заборонений, але комусь з бранців пощастило дістати sim-карту, і Ярослав зателефонував своїй коханій Валерії. Розмова тривала 1 хвилину. А далі була страшна звістка — росіяни влаштували теракт на території колонії. Загинуло щонайменше 53 українських захисники, понад 130 було поранено. У бараці, який підірвали, було 193 людини, зокрема Ярослав.

— Я чекала дзвінка, і тут дізнаюся про теракт. Валерія (дівчина Ярослава — Авт.) мені повідомила й відразу розридалась: «Я знаю, він там». Ми з нею плакали разом. За всіх наших людей. А на наступний день вже були списки. Мені надіслали частину списку, і Ярик у ньому був. Я знала, що він не може загинути, бо я молилася день і ніч. Я без перестанку вила, кричала й торгувалася з Богом. Просила: «Боже, забери мене, тільки нехай він живе!».

Коли Ірина отримала повний список і побачила заголовок, виявилося, що це був список поранених, а не загиблих. За кілька днів Ірині подзвонила санітарка зі шпиталю й повідомила, що Ярослав живий, у нього все добре, тільки одна рука не працює. Ярославу вдалося зв’язатися з близькими зі шпиталю лише раз, Ірина пригадує, що голос сина був такий, наче він дуже тяжко поранений. Тоді він просто сказав, що живий, спитав, як усі. І це була їхня остання розмова.

Після полону жінка побачила сина на одному з пропагандистських телеграм-каналів у репортажі про те, як окупанти «піклуються в ДНР про нацистів».

— Він нічого не говорив. Сидів упівоберта. Мені зробили скрін з відео. Я побачила, що Ярослав дуже схуд, кілограмів на 20. Раніше був такий міцний, накачаний, займався спортом. Він готувався, щоб бути сильним, бути вправним у військовій справі. Він так цим пишався. Отак побачила його профіль — і все... З тих пір два роки — повна тиша.

Ірина зізнається, що чекала будь-якої звістки від сина, вважала, що якщо його побачить — їй стане легше. Проте насправді біль лише посилився: «Я ридала й ридала, ридала й ридала… Тільки очі закриваю — бачу вибух, пожежу, як вони в цій пожежі, як люди горять, я навіть відчувала запах плоті й крові. Ніби сама там була.

Зрештою Ірина звернулася за допомогою. Психіатр встановив діагноз — ПТСР. Ірині призначили ліки, щоб вона знову могла спати. Проте найбільше допомагали не вони, а людська підтримка й спілкування: 

— Мій колега якось подивися на фото сина й сказав: «А чому ти взагалі плачеш? Рука є? Є! То подякуй Богу. Кістки є, мясо наросте». І ви знаєте, мені отак раз — і стало легше. Інколи таке просте слово знімає пелену з очей.

Ірина не мала жодних новин про сина аж до обміну, який відбувся на Великдень, 19 квітня. Один зі звільнених військовополонених розповів, що чув про Ярослава. Навіть не бачив — лише чув.

— Дівчина Ярослава, Валерія, знайшла цього чоловіка в соцмережах. Він сказав, де знаходиться Ярослав, а також те, що він здоровий. Він його не бачив, але чув постійно, бо був у сусідній камері. Сказав, що він тримається і моральний стан хороший. Але не знаю, наскільки цьому можна вірити, адже вони всі хочуть нас заспокоїти. 

Родичі захисників з «Азовсталі» вимагають звільнити й повернути їхніх рідних з російського полону, 2024. Фото: Oleksii Chumachenko/REPORTER

«Відчувала себе надщербленим глечиком, з якого все виливається»

Два роки Ірина жила у невідомості, як тисячі сімей по всій Україні. Проте людський ресурс не безкінечний. Жінка стала відчувати, що ліки вже не допомагають, сон знову зник. Зізналася, що якби не собака, вона б і не вставала з ліжка.

— Все втратило сенс. І раптом я побачила в телеграмі, в якомусь з чатів оголошення про проєкт GIDNA. Мене ніби щось торкнуло. Але подумала, що є люди, яким важче, ніж мені, і вирішила нікого не турбувати. Проте за декілька днів повернулася, знайшла те оголошення і заповнила анкету. Мені відразу зателефонували й дуже тепло зі мною поговорили.

Ірина ділиться, що біль і горе відчуваються ще дужче, коли не маєш з ким їх розділити:

— Всі втомилися. Навіть мої старші діти й подруги вже не можуть говорити про це зі мною. Вони не можуть — і я мовчу. Але це важко, бо біль нікуди не зникає.

Щире спілкування й підтримка — неймовірна допомога для людини, яка переживає горювання, впевнена Анна Грубая, психологиня та кураторка проєкту GIDNA: 

— Фрази на кшталт: «Тримайся», «Все буде добре», «Може, вже час відпустити» викликають гнів і злість, адже ніхто не знає, як буде і як важко триматися. Натомість краще запитати: «Як я можу тобі допомогти?»

Людина сама відповість, бо для когось — це просто посидіти помовчати, для когось — подивитися фото й поринути у спогади, ще для когось — поговорити про те, як важко. 

Ірині вдалося зустріти своїх людей у проєкті GIDNA: 

— Знайшлися люди, які хочуть говорити. Так, це їхня робота. Але ці люди небайдужі. Я вже третій місяць в терапії і відчуваю суттєві зміни.

Сьогодні жінок і матерів, які чекають на своїх близьких з полону, Ірина має щиру пораду: 

— Впевнена, що якби я розповіла Ярику, як сама себе карала і яке жахливе почуття провини в мене було щодо того, що я отак просто його відпустила, — йому б це дуже боліло. Він би хотів, щоб я жила, жила на повну. І Роберт (молодший брат Ярослава, який доєднався до ЗСУ) теж постійно каже, що треба жити. 

Радіти кожному листочку, кожній квіточці, вітру, дощу. Вони там цього всього позбавлені. А вони ж пішли туди, щоб ми жили

Ірина ділиться, що вже після другої зустрічі з психологом відчула, що в ній все ще є сила: 

— Коли я прийшла в терапію, то відчувала себе якимось надщербленим глечиком. У тріщинах, з дірками. З якого все виливається, скільки туди не налий, і я вже нічого в собі не утримувала. Ми стали працювали над цим. Аж поки я не відчула, що ще можу послужити. Важливо навчитися не заштовхувати біль глибоко всередину, де йому не місце, а шукати професійної допомоги.

Анна Грубая: «Невизначена втрата не має меж»

Робота з терапевтом — це поступовий шлях для відновлення відчуття безпеки та стабільності, навіть коли переживаєш горе. Часто без неї неможливо повернутися до повноцінного життя.

— Спочатку виникає спротив — жінка не хоче продовжувати терапію, і це нормальна реакція, — пояснює Анна Грубая. — Адже терапія — це зустріч зі своїми емоціями і почуттями, це спогади. І якщо після фази спротиву жінка все ж знаходить сили продовжити — це гарний знак. Згодом вона починає довіряти психотерапевту, формується хороший контакт — і це другий гарний знак. З'являється турбота й піклування про себе у стані невизначеності — третій гарний і вагомий крок, який допомагає формувати нові копінг-стратегії, як жити у невизначеності й не руйнувати себе.

Ірина досі в терапії, мріє про повернення сина. Переймається, щоб від радості зустрічі не втратити свідомість: «Я знаю, що не можна на них нападати з обіймами. Що краще першою не торкатися. Багато знаю, багато читала щодо їхньої травми. Але я хочу бути біля нього. Неважливо, які в нього діагнози».

Жінка планує на першій зустрічі подарувати Ярославові Lego, яке колись в дитинстві подарувала, а потім забрала на емоціях, бо діти бешкетували й не слухалися:

— На той час я не усвідомлювала, що для дітей це найцінніша валюта. А потім, коли син був там, на «Азовсталі», я попросила в нього за це вибачення. А він сказав: «Ти що. Ти найкраща мама, яка тільки могла б у мене бути!»…

<frame>Проєкт GIDNA фонду Future for Ukraine допомогає жінкам, які постраждали від наслідків жорстокої війни Росії проти України, повернути емоційну рівновагу. У травні виповнюється рік, відколи у межах проєкту працює спеціальна програма роботи з невизначеною втратою. Психологи проєкту надають безкоштовну підтримку жінкам, чиї рідні зникли безвісти на війні або перебувають у полоні. Кожна учасниця програми отримує 16 консультацій з психологом, а також щомісячну підтримку після курсу. За рік роботи команда Невизначеної втрати отримала 41 звернення, 35 жінок вже завершили терапію і навчилися екологічно проживати свій біль. А ще — знову почали жити з надією в серці.<frame>

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Ukrainian journalist, editor, TV host and author of analytical programs. She developed her media career in Ukraine. Since 2021, after getting married, she has been living in the Podkarpackie Voivodeship in Poland. She lived and worked in Lviv at the newspaper «Progress», and on the TV channels of the Lviv State Broadcaster, NTA, 5 Channel, and Espresso. She was the author of analytical materials and journalist investigations programs. She hosted the analytical program «Information Evening-Lviv» on 5 Channel. She is an honourable graduate of the Ivan Franko National University of Lviv with a master’s degree in journalism and studied in Rome, Italy, at the Dante Institute’s language school. After moving to Poland, she continues to engage in journalism. Her life motto is: Be useful to Ukraine wherever you are. Do well what you know how to do! Love life and people.

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Joanna Mosiej: I would like to begin our conversation with your family history, because on many levels it serves as a metaphor for our Polish-Ukrainian relations. I am referring to your ancestors, the Szeptycki brothers. Roman (Andrey Sheptytsky - head of the Ukrainian Greek Catholic Church, Metropolitan of Galicia, Archbishop of Lviv (1901–1944) - Edit.) converted to the Greek Catholic faith, entered a monastery, and later became Metropolitan. Another brother, Stanisław, first served in the Austrian army, and after the war became a general in the Polish army. Both were patriots, individuals deeply devoted to the countries they served. And they maintained a fraternal bond.

Professor Andrzej Szeptycki: Of the five Szeptycki brothers, two identified themselves as Ukrainians - Metropolitan Andrey Sheptytsky and Blessed Father Klymentiy - and three were Poles. I am referring to General Stanisław Szeptycki and also his brothers, Aleksander and my great-grandfather Leon. Metropolitan Andrey and Father Klymentiy regularly came on holiday to rest at the family home in Prylbichi in the Yavoriv district, where my great-grandfather Leon Szeptycki later lived. Despite their national differences, they maintained good relations with each other until the end of their lives.

Professor Andrzej Szeptycki. Photo: Michal Zebrowski / East News

They proved to us that different national identities can coexist without excluding one another.

I believe it was also very important that in the case of each of them, national identity was a significant element of life, but not the only one. In the case of Metropolitan Andrey and Father Klymentiy, their vocation and religious choices were primary as clergy. General Stanisław Szeptycki, as a soldier of that time, first served in the Austro-Hungarian and then in the Polish army and sought to serve his country well. They were certainly patriots - of each nation with which they identified. On the other hand, it is very important that they were certainly not nationalists. And this allowed them to respect different views while remaining close to one another.

Was such a legacy, a borderland identity, a value or a curse for your family? How does it define you?

During the communist period, it was somewhat of a challenge, a burden. The communist authorities viewed representatives of the former noble class negatively. In the case of the Szeptycki family, this was further combined with a very strong propaganda narrative directed against Ukrainians in Poland. And, of course, directed personally against Metropolitan Andrey, who was portrayed as a Ukrainian nationalist and spiritual father of the Ukrainian Insurgent Army. During the communist period, and even in the 1990s, relatives quite regularly heard that Szeptycki is a Banderite». Nowadays, this has practically disappeared. I experienced this myself in 2023 when I was running an election campaign. The few voter reactions to my name were generally positive. In this sense, it is a significant change.

Apart from comments on social media, of course.

Yes, there I am often called Szeptycki - a Ukrainian, a Banderite. And surely there is a portion of society that will always react in this way. Returning to how it defines me, ever since our student years, my cousins and I have quite often travelled around Ukraine.

Some of us needed only one trip, while others stayed longer, for life. My cousin moved to Lviv a few years ago at the age of 50. Another cousin established the Szeptycki Family Foundation, which became actively involved in supporting Ukraine after February 24th 2022.

Photo: Karina Krystosiak/REPORTER

How do you explain this outburst of solidarity among us in 2022?

I believe there are three important factors. Firstly, the simple human need to help. Altruism which arises when we witness the suffering of others and react without much consideration.

Secondly, the shared experience of Russian imperialism. This has always resonated with Polish society. It is worth recalling the Polish response to the war in Chechnya - the reception of refugees, the clear sympathies. Or the year 2008 and the war in Georgia. Poland does not have strong cultural or geographical ties with Georgia, yet the reaction was vivid. We remember President Lech Kaczyński’s visit to Tbilisi and his prophetic words: today Georgia, tomorrow Ukraine, the day after, perhaps the Baltic states, and then Poland. But most importantly - and in my opinion decisively - is the fact that none of this arose in a vacuum. This solidarity did not suddenly sprout in a desert, but on rather fertile ground which Poles and Ukrainians had been cultivating together over the past three decades.

From the 1990s, both sides carried out considerable work to develop interpersonal contacts. In 2022, many Poles were not helping «refugees». We were, for the most part, simply helping friends

Keeping in mind the great importance of the prior presence of Ukrainian refugees who had arrived in Poland since 2014, economic migrants from Ukraine, and the Ukrainian minority, primarily descendants of the victims of Operation Vistula.

Of course. Since the beginning of the war, that is, since 2014, or even since 2004, the Ukrainian minority in Poland has played an important role in supporting Ukraine - collecting funds, purchasing equipment, sending that equipment to the frontline. And receiving Ukrainian military refugees after February 24th 2022. Undoubtedly, the role of this community cannot be overestimated.

Precisely. You have been researching Polish-Ukrainian relations for many years. How have they changed? How has the Poles’ perception of Ukrainians changed?

It has been a long process. From the establishment of mutual contacts in the 1990s, through the Orange Revolution, the Revolution of Dignity - up to 2022. And, on the other hand, through the long-term presence in Poland of a significant group of economic migrants from Ukraine. Let us not forget that none of this would have been possible without the consistency of Poland’s Eastern policy and the legacy of the thought of the Paris-based «Kultura» and Jerzy Giedroyc personally. This belief in the importance of Ukraine, the importance of good relations, the necessity of support.

We were the first country to recognise Ukraine’s independence.

And it is worth mentioning a very important, albeit little-known, moment in Polish-Ukrainian relations on the eve of the USSR’s collapse, namely the participation of the Polish delegation of civic committees in the 1st Congress of the People’s Movement in Kyiv in 1989. The presence of representatives of the Polish civic committees, including Adam Michnik and Bogdan Borusewicz, was a symbolic gesture of support for Ukraine from Polish «Solidarity» at a time when Poland was still part of the Warsaw Pact and Ukraine still within the USSR.

Photo: Łukasz Gdak/East News

And what were the subsequent milestones of our cooperation?

First and foremost, the three key events of the past two decades, which I have already mentioned: the Orange Revolution, the Revolution of Dignity, and the full-scale Russian invasion in 2022. Each of these was met in Poland with clear public interest and a broad response of solidarity.

A sense of shared destiny, the legacy of Solidarity and the struggle for independence played an important role. At times, analogies were even drawn: it was said that Ukrainians in 2022 found themselves in a situation similar to that faced by Poles during the Second World War. The exhibition «Warsaw - Mariupol: cities of ruins, cities of struggle, cities of hope» was one such attempt to draw this symbolic parallel: cities levelled to the ground, the suffering of civilians, resistance. But it was also accompanied by another, no less important conviction: that Ukrainians today are facing something we, fortunately, are not experiencing - a classic violent conflict with Russian imperialism. And this solidarity manifested itself in Polish assistance.

What can we do to ensure this unprecedented solidarity seen in 2022 is not wasted? Today, in addition to the demons of the past, such as Volyn’ and the issue of exhumations, there are pressing social and economic problems.

Firstly, it is important to realise that no surge of solidarity lasts forever. The enthusiasm for Ukrainians that erupted after the beginning of the Russian invasion has gradually waned, and we are now in a phase where tension and fatigue are beginning to accumulate.

For most of its recent history, Poland has been a country of emigration - people left in search of work, bread, a better life. The issue of immigration was virtually absent from public debate. Today, the situation has changed. Around two million Ukrainians live in Poland - both economic migrants and people who fled the war. This is an entirely new social reality and a challenge to which we must respond consciously. Other challenges, including economic ones, must also be taken into account.

The pandemic, war and inflation - all of these influence the public sentiment. When people start running out of money, their willingness to show solidarity with «new neighbours» may weaken

Especially since they are constantly exposed to populist narratives claiming that immigrants take away our social benefits and our places in the queue for doctors. And that Ukraine does not agree to exhumations.

Yes, this is precisely why Polish-Ukrainian relations are no longer merely a matter of the past, but one of the key challenges for the future of Central and Eastern Europe. It is therefore important to defuse historical disputes, such as those concerning exhumations. It is very good that an agreement has recently been reached on this issue. Even if discussions on exhumations in the short term revive the Volyn’ issue, in the long term they will help resolve it. However, it is important to recognise - and I say this quite often to both Polish and Ukrainian partners - that at present, the key issue is not history. A major challenge lies in the broad economic matters related to Ukraine’s accession to the European Union.

We must recognise that Ukraine is not a failed state from which only unskilled workers or refugees come to Poland.

Despite the war, Ukraine has advantages in many areas that will pose a challenge to Poland when it joins the EU single market

Of course, Ukraine's accession to the EU is in Poland’s strategic interest. However, these are developments that we must be aware of, which we must closely observe and take action to prevent conflicts in these areas.

Therefore, at present, the real challenge is not the issue of the Volyn’ massacre, but rather how to adapt the common agricultural policy to the potential of Ukrainian agriculture. Naturally, it is also essential to prevent the escalation of social antagonism.

Photo: Jakub Orzechowski / Agencja Wyborcza.pl

How does Polish-Ukrainian academic cooperation appear against this background?

Today, around 9% of students at Polish universities are international, almost half of whom are Ukrainian. The academic world, in line with its longstanding European tradition, is multinational. Universities have always been places of openness and tolerance; today, they develop programmes for support, equality and diversity. These are initiatives and responsibilities undertaken by the universities themselves.

Of course, there are always areas that can be improved. I am thinking, for example, of efforts to achieve better integration within the university. It often happens that we have two or three student communities living separately – students from Poland, English-speaking students and students from the East, mainly Ukrainians and Belarusians. We are working to ensure that these two or three communities come closer together.

You are responsible for international cooperation. In Ukraine, claims are heard that Poland is «draining» its intellectual capital. This is a well-known phenomenon here too - for years, it has been said that the best Polish academics leave for the West. What does this circulation between Poland and Ukraine look like?

Before February 24th 2022, around 500 Ukrainian academics worked in Polish universities. After the outbreak of war, this number doubled. Initially, there were special support measures - help with finding housing, work, a safe place - but quite quickly we realised that a change of perspective was needed.

Our goal is not a brain drain, but a brain circulation - a circulation of knowledge, ideas and experience

This is precisely why today, as a ministry, we support projects involving researchers and institutions from both countries. Those that build a joint research space.

A concrete example of such cooperation is the project of Vasyl Stefanyk Precarpathian National University in Ivano-Frankivsk, which, together with the Centre for East European Studies, rebuilt the pre-war university observatory «White Elephant» on Mount Pip Ivan. A functioning research station was created from ruins. Now the two universities are seeking funding for a telescope, the third stage of the project. This is an example of concrete cooperation based on partnership, not asymmetry.

Another example is Mykulychyn, a village in the Ukrainian Carpathians, where a Polish-Ukrainian youth meeting centre is being built. During my recent visit there, the first meeting took place with the participation of students from several Ukrainian universities and the University of Warsaw. It is in such places - in conversations, debates, joint projects - that the next generation of mutual understanding is born.

There is a real chance that this generation will get to know each other not through stereotypes, but through experience and culture.

Yes, but much work still lies ahead. I remember a study conducted, I believe, in 2021. Poles were asked which Ukrainian authors they knew, and Ukrainians were asked which Polish authors they knew. It turned out that 95% of Poles had never read a book by a Ukrainian author - and vice versa. What followed was even more interesting. Ukrainians associated Polish authors with Sienkiewicz and Sapkowski, while Poles named Gogol and Oksana Zabuzhko among Ukrainian authors. In terms of getting to know one another, including through culture, we still have much work to do.

But it is also important not to reduce each other to a kind of ethno-folklore, because we have much more to offer one another. We are united by common aspirations and hopes. And commonality does not always arise from similarity. It also arises from the desire to coexist despite differences and wounds.

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Poland and Ukraine: we want to coexist despite differences and wounds

Joanna Mosiej
women's rights in the world Elżbieta Korolczuk

Every fourth country in the world has experienced regression in the field of women's rights, according to the latest UN Women 2024 report, and in the European Union, about 50 million women continue to experience high levels of sexual and physical violence - both at home and at work, as well as in public spaces.

We speak with Doctor of Sociology, Professor at the University of Warsaw, Elżbieta Korolczuk, about the situation of women's rights in the world, Poland and Ukraine, as well as about what should be done to protect and support women's rights, which are once again under threat.

The Influence of the Church

Olga Pakosh: Professor, what does the regression of women's rights mean?

Elżbieta Korolczuk: It means that in many countries, the process of equalising opportunities has stalled, and in some, the situation regarding existing rights has even worsened.

Of course, it has never been the case that all participants in public life, even in liberal countries, accepted gender equality

There have always been groups opposing women's rights - reproductive rights, the right to abortion, contraception or women's equality in political life.

But in democratic countries, there was a general consensus that we should strive for the full participation of women in social and political life. Groups opposing this remained on the margins of public life. Today, anti-gender views are moving to the centre of public discussion and - depending on the country - take various forms.

For example, in Afghanistan, where in different periods of the twentieth century laws were introduced to improve the situation of women, today women have no rights whatsoever. Fundamentalists have ensured that women cannot work, leave the house alone or study. They cannot participate in public or political life, and most of them also experience violence - there is data showing that this may concern up to 85 per cent of Afghan women.

Meanwhile, in the United States, where for many years the political mainstream shared the belief that women's rights were an obvious part of democracy, there is now an assault on both democracy and women's rights. Both are connected to the development of anti-gender and conservative movements, which often resonate with organised religions, such as Christianity and Islam, as well as Orthodox Judaism, which has also never been a friend to women.

- And what about Poland? It has been almost two years since the change of government. Why, despite previous promises, has no action been taken to at least partially regulate the issue of abortion?

- Firstly, because the current political class - and this applies not only to Poland but also to many other countries - is significantly more conservative than the majority of society. Secondly, the issue of women's rights and minority rights remains under the strong influence of religious institutions.

Action «Abortion! Yes!» in Warsaw, 2024. Photo: Witold Jaroslaw Szulecki/East News

In Poland, we are observing a distinct cultural conflict: the country is rapidly secularising - the younger generation is moving away from institutional religion, and often from faith altogether. At the same time, a significant portion of voters, predominantly older people, remains deeply religious. The Church as a political institution still plays an enormous role, both at the national level and locally. Bishops often effectively participate in local political life. The economic power of the Church also carries great weight - it remains one of the largest property owners in the country.

- Could a change of president influence anything?

- Can we trust politicians? This is a question many people are asking themselves today. Promises were already made two years ago, during the parliamentary elections. However, as research shows, a significant portion of young women who voted for the current coalition in 2023 now feels disappointed and disillusioned. During the campaign, mobilisation efforts were directed specifically at them, notably through promises regarding reproductive rights, financial support concerning issues related to abortion, equality for the LGBT community and so on. At present, these promises remain unfulfilled. What will change after the presidential elections - we shall see.

I fear we are dealing with the ignoring of female voters: at first, something is promised to them to secure their votes, and later, the promises are not fulfilled

Such a strategy not only alienates specific groups of voters but also generally undermines trust in democracy as a political system. The question is to what extent the politicians themselves realise this and whether they understand the long-term consequences of such actions.

As a sociologist, I do not have excessive expectations. However, as a citizen, I hope that the ruling parties will eventually awaken and that the change of president will lead at least to the resolution of such basic issues as the abortion ban or inequality in LGBT rights.

In Poland, a victim is not obliged to prove that she said «no» to the rapist

- What is the current situation regarding women's rights in Ukraine?

- War, like any crisis, always negatively affects society. On the one hand, of course, it affects men, as they predominantly die at the frontline or bear other severe consequences related to military service. On the other hand, the burden of daily survival falls squarely on the shoulders of women. This concerns not only professional work but also activities connected with maintaining the lives of families, communities and the general everyday functioning of people. Moreover, many women serve in the Ukrainian army, carrying, in essence, a double burden.

A Ukrainian woman among the rubble of a house after Russian shelling in Mykolaiv, August 2nd 2022. Photo: Kostiantyn Liberov/AP/Associated Press/East News

War also means the suspension of normal political struggle, which likewise complicates the ability of minorities to defend their rights. Individual rights, as well as the rights of particular groups, are pushed into the background in the face of the harsh reality of resisting Russian aggression.

Nevertheless, it is noticeable that politically, Ukraine is striving for integration with Europe, and this opens opportunities for the implementation of equal rights solutions. For example, one can compare Ukraine and Georgia - two post-Soviet states that started from similar positions. Ukraine resolutely chose the path of European integration, which, incidentally, became one of the factors of the military conflict, and in this context, adopted many decisions, such as the ratification of the Istanbul Convention and the protection of the rights of women and minorities. Georgia, by contrast, has moved in the opposite direction. It has drawn closer to Russia - notably through religious issues, restrictions on the activities of non-governmental organisations and the strengthened influence of the Orthodox Church.

The Georgian government is moving towards restricting the rights of minorities, particularly LGBT people, which is part of a broader process of narrowing the rights of civil society and the space for grassroots movements. This indicates that we are dealing not only with ideological or cultural differences, the attitude towards equality is also an element of the geopolitical choice made by states. It was the same in the case of Poland and other countries that joined the EU - this process was linked to the acceptance of at least some obligations in the field of equality. And this undoubtedly matters for the specific decisions taken by the state, although the results do not always meet expectations.

During a protest in Tbilisi, April 18th 2024. Photo: VANO SHLAMOV/AFP/East News

- What laws or legal mechanisms are lacking in Ukraine to support women's rights? Is the problem solely due to the crisis caused by the war?

- I am not a specialist in Ukrainian affairs - it is worth asking Ukrainian women themselves about this. However, I think the situation is complicated. On the one hand, it is worth asking: how open are state institutions to the voices of minorities, including women? How much do they actually represent groups that are in a vulnerable position in society?

On the other hand, the problem also lies in the way existing norms are implemented. For example, when it comes to protection from violence, one of the most fundamental issues. If such protection does not exist, it is clear that female citizens do not have equal rights.

If they are not protected in their own home or on the street, there is no point in talking about equal opportunities in politics or other fields

And here the question arises: is a state that is undergoing such a deep crisis - military, economic, infrastructural - capable of effectively guaranteeing women the protection from violence? I believe we must demand this, but at the same time, we should understand that it is an extremely difficult task.

- And what about Poland? Is Polish legislation effective in the context of protecting women?

- Yes, in many areas there are quite good legal standards, but often they are not properly implemented. An example can be the changes introduced in February this year - regarding the definition of rape.

According to the new provisions, rape is any violation of sexual boundaries without clear consent. That is, theoretically, now the victim is not obliged to prove that she said «no» - instead, the perpetrator must prove that he obtained consent

At the same time, we do not have any large-scale information campaign on this matter. Most people do not even know that anything has changed. There are no relevant educational programmes. There are not enough training sessions for the police and prosecutors that would allow for the effective implementation of the new standards.

Such matters should be on the front pages of newspapers

«I can't believe we still have to protest this shit». Protest in the USA. Photo: Shutterstock

«Women's rights are not given once and for all»

- The United States was once an example in the fight for women's rights and the implementation of these rights. What about now? Are the suffragettes turning in their graves?

- I hope that the United States will become not only an example of how what seemed to have been achieved can be destroyed, but also teach us how to truly maintain it. It is worth emphasising that, compared to Poland, Ukraine and most Eastern European countries, women's rights in the USA were guaranteed quite late, at a time when most women in Eastern Europe were already working and had a certain degree of financial independence.

In Poland, women gained the right to abortion in 1953, while in the USA, the federal right to terminate a pregnancy was introduced only in the mid-1970s.

Although in the early 1960s and 1970s women were fighting for access to legal abortions, over the last five decades, the USA has created the image of a country where the rights of minorities and women are highly developed

However, this struggle for equality was always tense, and opponents of equal rights never stood aside.

Today, the main difference is that part of the political elite has become extremely conservative, and the system of rights protection at the federal level is beginning to collapse. This particularly concerns decisions of the Supreme Court, which has overturned provisions that guaranteed the right to abortion at the federal level, notably the ruling in Roe v. Wade.

These changes show how important it is to constantly monitor adherence to the principles of equality. Women's rights are not given once and for all. This also demonstrates the link between the rights of women and minorities and democracy.

On the one hand, in undemocratic countries, the erosion of women's rights is very clearly visible, as women are usually the first group to lose their rights. When a rigid power hierarchy is created, women generally end up at the bottom.

On the other hand, criticism of women's rights is often used as a pretext for attacks on democratic values and institutions. Attacks on gender equality today are a tool in the hands of anti-democratic movements, which mobilise society by stirring up fear and convincing people that both gender equality and democracy itself have gone too far. An example is Trump's campaign against Kamala Harris, who was portrayed as a spokesperson for the transgender community, and topics related to funding gender reassignment surgeries in prisons were used to mobilise voters and at the same time to ridicule liberal democracy.

The strategy of right-wing populists is to ridicule the topics of equality, portraying them as absurd and as a threat to women themselves, while at the same time inciting society against democracy as such
Demonstration in support of women's rights in Afghanistan, London, March 8th 2024. Photo: HENRY NICHOLLS/AFP/East News

- What can we, ordinary women, now do in Poland and Ukraine to protect our rights?

- The answer has already been given to us by the suffragettes: no one will grant us rights for free, we must fight for them. And once we have gained them, we must defend them.

It is a bit like marriage. Usually, if we take on all the obligations but do not demand what is ours, the other side will not help and will not voluntarily grant us our rights

The same applies to political life.

It is about voting, supporting organisations that help women, as well as those who take it to the streets - people who mobilise. It is about supporting specific women who act for others. Even if we ourselves are not ready to engage, we can support them. It is about supporting specific female politicians, as well as holding them accountable. It is about checking what they are doing, on what basis, and expressing our opinion. This is something we must never renounce. Whether on Facebook, in public discussions or at the workplace.

We still live in a good place where our voice has weight

We are not in Afghanistan - we are in a place where we have a voice, and we can use it.

We must make an effort, get used to the fact that political activity is simply part of our lives, not a marginal thing that appears only, for example, during elections, or does not appear at all. Because then we voluntarily give up the possibility of changing the world.

There are women who oppose the right to abortion. Of course, they have the right to do so. But unfortunately, they act neither in their own interest nor in the interest of their sisters, friends, or daughters. No one is forcing anyone to have an abortion. But in a world where women are forbidden to do so, it is ordinary women who will pay for this ban with their lives, health, and mental well-being. And we simply should not agree to such a world.

20
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Elżbieta Korolczuk: «We still live in a good place where our voice matters. But to avoid losing it, we must use it»

Olga Pakosh

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